[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
For somebody who's not escaping
from prison, it sure feels like
I am.
Well, I'm not going anywhere.
I have time to try and
wedge this thing open.
Should be able to do it in under an hour.
No. That puts me ahead of schedule.
See, this is why unions were formed.
So, when you get lucky breaks like this,
management doesn't make three seconds
the new standard for opening a welded gate.
Yeah, try following me through
this drainage pipe, flyboy.
Sadly, I am noticing a pattern here.
I seem to be going back and forth between
wanting nothing more than to get above ground
then, once I do, there's something
so bad happening topside
that it makes me wish I was never born
and I go back underground again.
I'm reasonably certain there's
going to be an active volcano outside
if I do this enough times.
[planes whoosh]
Yeah, okay, see, what's that?
[planes whoosh]
Are they spraying nerve gas?
[turret beeping]
COME ON!
[turret beeping]
Why is the drainage pipe that's been welded
[turret beeping]
on one end being guarded?
[turret beeping]
And you're beeping.
That's like a death sentence right there.
I don't know, I like
to be sure about these things.
Jesus, this is pretty high up.
I needed something to
take my mind off of death.
You know, I have the height
advantage here,
so that means my bullets are traveling
a little faster than yours.
HECU: We'll kick your ass!
Actually, it doesn't matter.
I've got the best comeback of all:
Yeah, don't have
anything to say now, do you?
I actually don't hold a grudge against
someone talking trash about me
if they're shot afterwards.
I try to rise above that
and find my own peace.
I don't even see an obvious way down.
Besides, well, the obvious.
Okay, I think this will do it.
Oh, man, just one trip up here
and that's all it takes to--
I'm not an anthropologist, but I don't
know any modern cliff-dwelling societies.
I'm sure the first settlers probably
thought it was a good idea
because they have good defense,
but once little Billy starts playing near
the cliff, then there's no more little Billy.
Then little Suzy and little Timmy fall off,
which doesn't help the situation.
I think those societies
are all extinct now.
Oh, man that was so sneaky of you.
Getting me to kill you so that
the kickback from my gun
could've knocked me over the edge.
If I hadn't braced myself,
it might've worked.
So, I guess you're just hiding
in a hole in the rock, huh?
Were those your orders, or was
that your own initiative?
Where are you guys coming from?
If you're trying to do the same
trick as the last guy, you're doing it wrong.
It doesn't work at your angle.
At best, I'll only get knocked
back towards the wall.
I don't know why I'm even
explaining this to you.
Hm, I'm really tempted to slide
down that pipe like a banister
but I think I'll regret it as
soon as I get to the end of it.
Seriously, how are these
soldiers getting here?
Parts of this trail are narrow
enough that I'm afraid to sneeze.
Yet, they're sprinkled all over
and stuck in rocks.
Maybe they're still recruits and
this the last part of their training.
And Command just dumps them out of a plane
and tells them to make
their way back to base.
No actual plan as to how they're supposed
to get off a cliff. Just ingenuity.
Whoever doesn't die in the
process passes the training.
If two-thirds of the recruits
die or get stranded,
then it's labeled as "intensive training".
I bet there's a bunch more of
these guys stuck in the canyon below.
This looks like our best
candidate for not...dy-uhhhh...
Okay, careful descent... no
breakdancing moves.
Daaahh! Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-
dah-dah-dah...
If I'm going the wrong way,
I have problems.
Okay, I think I've
determined the cause of death.
Maybe hiding in holes really
were their orders.
Yeah, I'm not getting gun out.
If the soldiers wanted to kill
me, they could've just dumped
a bucket of gravel right here.
I guess I shouldn't be thinking about that,
but I'm pretty sure they can't read my mind.
Hell, I can't read my mind.
Speaking of mind-reading, one thing that
pisses me off are those tinfoil hat people.
They don't know what
they're talking about.
Hold on, I've got to
concentrate.
But, yeah, assuming mind-reading is
possible--which is big assumption--then...
Is this seriously the bridge
to the other side?
I'd expect better than this from
a Peruvian burrow trail.
Jesus Christ! Why not just put
up a sign that says, "Die"?
What the fuck? These pipes
look professionally built.
The wood's rotting, the
stakes look rusted...
I don't know how the soldiers got
here, but it wasn't this way.
Or, maybe it was; that's why so
many of the planks are missing.
If I had a grappling hook, I could just
tie off, rappel down, and be done with it.
I'd have to be carrying
a hell of a lot of rope.
Well, they did use aircraft
cable; I'll give them that.
So, there's more support if
I walk on the sides,
since the boards look like they
have the tensile-strength of rice cakes.
I'm probably overreacting.
OH NO, IT'SHAPPENINGAAAAAYAAHHHH!
In retrospect, maybe I should've checked
to see if the soldiers had any rope on them.
I could've tied at the bridge and...
But wait, look at these stakes.
They're practically on
the edge of the rock.
They could've just popped out.
Well, at least no one's following me.
Unless the cliff is following me.
No, that'd be a lot louder.
Actually, I'm going to use the pistol;
this is kind of unwieldly right now.
I didn't realize Black Mesa was
literally built into the mesa.
I guess that makes my Indian
Burial Ground theory less likely.
Yeah, I'm going to trust this
catwalk with my life.
Because, I'm sure it's different from every
other catwalk I've walked on at this company.
Actually, it is different.
The other ones had guardrails.
I think I'll stick with the rock.
At least I know it's been built to code.
If a spider jumps on me now, I'm going
to have to be careful not to freak out.
I don't think there are many
spiders out here, though.
HECU: Move in!
Wait, you're not a spider.
Okay, careful! I could fall off!
What the hell are you doing?!
I could slip on these shells!
As usual, I'm the one who has to
think of these things.
Whoa-ho! Motion-sensor doors.
This is a step up from the
death-slide trail.
Oh my God, it's a rocket launcher.
The perfect gift for the
man who has everything.
Ooooh... you and I are gonna go places.
My mind is spinning with new possibilities.
You are the first
good news I've had all day.
Yes, I'll bring your friends.
[helicopter whirring]
Hark!
[helicopter whirring]
Dost thou hear with thine ears
what I hear with mine?
[helicopter whirring]
Interloper!
No quarter shall be shown
hither, fiend!
Anon! Show thineself, churl!
The laser on mine rocket launcher be not
a mere target, but a guidance system.
Come hither that I may smite thee!
Thou shalt not be missed.
Whoa, wait, what's that sound?
THAT'S THE SOUND PEOPLE MAKE WHEN
EVERYONE TRYING TO KILL ME IS DEAD!
AND I HAVE A ROCKET LAUNCHER!
I HAVE A ROCKET LAUNCHER WITH A
LASER-GUIDANCE SYSTEM!
And...I'm walking on... a really...
Besides seeming like a gift from the gods,
this rocket launcher gives me
some food for thought.
I may have to revise my theory
about the universe wanting me dead.
If that was true, the rocket
launcher would never have happened.
Only most of the universe wants me dead.
There's some larger game going on here.
I'm more like Perseus or Odysseus
caught in the center of some cosmic politics.
That's too bad; I was hoping the
universe would end with me.
Maybe there's still a way to
make that happen.
I feel like I'm forgetting
something important.
Mind reading! That was it.
Okay, let's assume it exists,
even though the transmission doesn't
show up on any known spectrum.
That it's electromagnetic radiation?
Then what do they think
the tin is going to do?
Th-that-that step was a little tricky.
So, anyway, if it's electromagnetic,
you'd need a Faraday Cage to block that
and a tinfoil hat doesn't act like one.
In all likelihood, a chunk of
metal on your head
is going to conduct any signal
you're worried about, not block it.
You'd have better chances with a
lead helmet coated in rubber.
Tinfoil hat people are ignorant.
YEAH! TORO, MOTHERFUCKER!
Forget the mind-reading
I just want a helmet.
Cranial protection against
punctures and lacerations.
Well, I'm not wasting
a rocket on the chance
that there might be another one
of those things in here.
I guess I'll just do things the
potentially painful way.
If the circumstances were different,
this area would actually be a pretty
kick-ass place to build a waterslide.